Hormones are a crazy thing!

So Andrew had the pleasure of experiencing his first true "I have a crazy pregnant wife" moment yesterday. I can't help but share.

So I had a rough "identity" weekend. My belly is really starting to grow and that causes quite a change! For one, we have a Halloween party next weekend. So I'm trying to find a costume, and it is hard! On one hand, being pregnant, you don't feel "cute" in anything, and doing most costumes feels odd. Example... characters from Scoobie Doo... cute idea... oh wait... a pregnant Daphne? Wierd. Right. So, I feel obligated to do something "pregnant," but then everything feels over the top corny. Anyway, this caused me to be slightly down and moody.

On top of that, I don't move the same way I used to. Leaning forward doesn't feel so great, and touching my toes is a new obstacle. I can still touch them, but I just have to bend differently than I used to. So... this is where the funny comes in. Last night, I was trying to change my clothes before bed. Well, my foot got caught in my jeans because I didn't use my new methods of successfully reaching my feet. Then... I fell over! Boom on the floor. I immediately broke into tears, not because I hurt anything, but because of the frustration. THEN I started laughing! Come on. It was funny. I mean, I fell on the floor cause I couldn't successfully reach my foot to take of my pants. So I was seriously laughing and crying BOTH as hard as I could. It was intense. Such joy and sorrow all at the same time. Super upset/emotional cause my body was changing, but hilarious because I know that it's normal and it's probably quite funny to watch.

Poor Andrew. He could hardly get a word in I was crying/laughing so hard. He looked at the dog and said "Hmm.. Maddy, Mom's acting kinda crazy isn't she? We're gonna leave for a minute." Haha. So he took a five minute break and came back to find me settled down for the most part. Funny funny. Gonna remember that one for awhile. Hormones are definately a crazy thing!

A big baby boy!

So our ultrasound went well last friday. As most everyone knows, we found out we were having a little boy! Andrew and I didn't want to have too many wishes about the gender, but we both admit that we were hoping and expecting it to be a little boy. It's nice to know we've escaped the possibility of having a family of all girls. =) I think Andrew might have gone a little crazy if that had happened. Now he has a little boy to play racquetball and golf with!

The doctor also told us that everything looked healthy! That's definitely a good start. =) The only interesting part was that he told us the baby's measuring two weeks ahead of schedule! So either they miscalculated my due date, or I'm having a really big baby! They said that they'll look again and clarify at my next ultrasound in December. Let's just hope its the due date! I don't think any woman looks forward to having a big baby! That would not be a fun day. Maybe this is payback since when my mom had me I was 10 pounds.

Blessed...

Things are starting to really fall into place. I've been overwhelmed for the past 2 months with the question of to stay home after baby, or not to stay home. Well, finally, a few weeks ago, Andrew and I decided that we wanted me to stay home. At least most of the time. We know that it's unrealistic if I stay home 100% of the time with zero income. So since then, we've been throwing around ideas of different part time jobs I could do. Finally, two nights ago, I realized that I'm not going to really have an answer to that question until the baby comes. It's not like I'm going to find a job offer right now that wants to give me a job 9 months from now. So Andrew and I talked about it and we decided to just wait and to trust. We decided we'd just plan on me leaving my job in April and that come June, we'd see what job God had waiting for me in the wings.

Well, funny how when you finally decide to trust God, he can sometimes come through rather quickly. I don't want to say too much yet until it's official, but it looks like I might get the best of both worlds. Keeping my job, and having lots of time with baby. We feel very lucky. =)

The more we figure out the logistics of our little bundle of joy, the more I allow myself to feel true excitement. I still can't believe I'm going to have a little baby in my arms in just 6 months. Actually, I'm having a harder time believing that a year and half from now, I'll have a little one year old running around. Having a growing child feels a lot more unreal than having a tiny baby. =D Crazy!

Careful What You Wish For...

...here it comes... the revealing! Most people already know, so why not blog about it. I need a place to jot down my feelings. ;) Anyway...

I'm sitting here totally an absolutely blown away by my last post. That's why I had to write this entry RIGHT NOW! I'm so blown away! Two months ago. 11 Weeks ago. I said in my blog " I'm ready for God to surprise me some more..." (Check if you don't believe me) Omg, does He listen! That very day/week/general time frame, there were tiny little cells coming together and multiplying like crazy without me having a clue. A baby! I'm exactly 11 weeks along, exactly 11 weeks after I was writing a journal entry about how much God can do in a year that we couldn't possibly imagine. It's so true! Andrew and I had no idea that next April, we'd be inviting a new little life into this world, but we are! And we couldn't be more thrilled. Although it came as a surprise, it didn't take us more than 5 minutes to be hooked on the idea. And in just a matter of weeks, our whole life, our purpose, our general direction took on a new light. A baby! Can you believe it!? I still can't sometimes. =)

I've been super lucky so far. Hardly any sickness. Heartburn at most. Can't complain. The only "symptoms" I've really had are complete crazy tiredness and my pants getting a little snug. ;) That and my body just doesn't feel "normal." I spose it'll be awhile till I feel "normal" again. And then I'm guessing that normalcy will take on a whole new meaning.

Anyway, I'm sure that the blog posts will multiply from here on out. There are so many things I'm learning about myself, and so many concerns that need "talking" out. Definately a huge subject matter for this lovely blog of mine. So I'll definately keep you posted. All I can say right now is that it's super exciting and I can't believe how quickly I'm sure this is all going to happen. Although, as exciting as it is... it's scary too! I'm scared of the process, of what's going to be taking place in my body. I'm scared of knowing what to do as a first time Mom. I'm scared I won't be good enough, smart enough, loving enough. They say it all comes natural. I sure hope so! Cause being responsible for such a tiny life that's going to do great things... that's intimidating!...

...but so amazing! =D

Time Flys!

Fourth of July weekend. Two years ago, yesterday, Andrew proposed to me. Who knew we'd be here. Who knew...

1) We'd have a beautiful and perfect wedding day
2) Get a cat
3) I'd get a new job with awesome co-workers and stability
4) Have the breast reduction I'd dreamed about
5)Buy a house we thought it'd take years to get
6) Buy a dog
7) Be regularly attending an amazing church with my brother and his wife
8) Meet new friends that have become so close
9) Watch close friends get engaged and married

It's been a fast two years. Funny how you always think you'll know exactly where you'll be "one year from now," five years, etc. But really, you have... no... i... dea. Most of those things on the list, I couldn't have guessed would happen. And even just in the next year to come, I'm sure things will happen that I can't imagine. Yet somehow, we always feel like we know it all. Like we can see it all coming. As if what we have right here, right now, is all we're ever gonna have. I'm ready for God to surprise me some more...

Puppies are hard...

Maddy is so cute, but I know that in about 6 months, I'll love her much more than I do today. She's just got so much energy! Whenever I have her out, it's constant chasing her around the house. I intend on borrowing a couple of baby gates from my mom, so as to maybe keep her a little more contained and me a little more calm.

Blogging is hard too. I blog so rarely that I feel when I do blog, it needs to be something deep and exciting. Something with good news. But not much is happening. So maybe if I do a couple lame blog posts like this, it'll get me rolling. =D

A Good Message.

Before I get too deep here, 2 quick things... 1) The before pictures of the house are posted and the after ones will come in a few weeks. 2) Andrew and I bought a puppy. We get to bring her home saturday and I'm sure pictures of her will go up quite fast. She's a bright, spunky, happy, cuddly Golden Doodle! We <3 her. K... on to the purpose of this post...

I liked church very much today. The entire sermon was about endurance, but there was one snipet in particular that really struck me. He started talking about not looking back at the past, but always looking forward. How, when you're running a race, if you look back, you'll stumble and fall. You're not meant to run looking backwards, you're meant to run looking forward... striving for the finish line. He then went on to give a list of examples, but what it came down to is this. That's me. It's totally me. I spend so much time in heartache over where I used to be. Not in all ways, but spiritually. Whenever I find myself longing to be close to God again, I find myself thinking "well, I was close to God in Ocean City, but not now." Or, "I was close to God that summer I transferred colleges, but not now." And then, I get stuck. I get stuck reminiscing about how things used to be. About who I used to be. About how devoted I was, and about how devoted I'm not. And then I just give up. I decide that I'm just not that girl anymore and that I just can't be close to God anymore, but that's crap. I can't help but think of that song from Rent. No day but today. I don't need to sit around sulking about how I used to be spiritually. I just need to get up and do it. I need to show up to church every sunday. I need to open my Bible. I need to pray. I need to AT LEAST think about God. I rarely even consider Him anymore. It's sad really. But it doesn't need to be sad. I can have that relationship any day I want it. God doesn't live ONLY in Ocean City 04. God doesn't live ONLY in the summer of 05. God lives right here right now in Fairlawn Ohio in May of 09.

All Moved In!

So we're all moved into the house, and it's perfect! So for a few moving day stories.

I had to work the morning of moving day (plus I'm still not allowed to lift anything over 10 pounds due to my surgery), so I did my part by packing absolutely everything up before people came to move us. Not to mention, Andrew and I made took two carloads of boxes and things over nearly every day for the 10 days we had the keys before we moved. There was only a small stack of boxes left in the dining room when people came to load up the uhaul. Otherwise, just furniture! I was so proud. =) They still ended up having to make two trips with the uhaul since Andrew and I had more furniture than the average apartment. The bowflex and the elliptical machine will get ya. But the job got done and by 1:30 in the afternoon, everything was unloaded, in place, and we were eating pizza. Yumm! By sunday night, most everything was unpacked. I just have a few boxes that I've been lazy about cause they're full of pictures and things that I'm just not sure where to put them yet.

All the red paint is gone. =) We painted the office and the kitchen cupboards before we moved in. That was quite an adventure as well. Had to sand them down, put two coats of primer, then two coats of paint. But again... job done, and it's beautiful! We picked perfect colors. The kitchen actually doesn't feel so small anymore.

The scariest part of moving day was when I almost dropped Squire out the second story window. Ooops? See, he likes windows. Andrew and I were moving things around in our bedroom and I was like "Hey Squire, sit up here on the window sill. You'll like it." So, I sit him up there and the bottom of the screen pops out when he leans on it. Omg. So scary. I grabbed him and my heart was just pounding. Can you imagine!? Not to mention, the air conditioning unit sits right below our window. Poor guy woulda had broken bones. =\ But he is safe. And Andrew spent the next 20 minutes pounding on the window with a hammer so that the screen would fit better in place. No falling kitties, please.

So there's this church 5 minutes from our new house that we thought looked neat. Turns out, our friends Gary and Audrey go there. So we decided we wanted to check it out. See, it's been quite a long time since Andrew and I have been consistant about any aspect of church-going or God-following. Like, two years long. So I decided that with moving, it was going to be a time of new beginnings. So, I wanted to go. Turns out, my brother wanted to go too! He, on the other hand, has been more like 12-15 years out of the loop. So needless to say, I was super excited. =D Adam, Becca, Andrew and I have been growing extremely close over the past two years, so to think we could be even closer by being church friends together and with Gary and Audrey is just unbelievable. It's been SO long since I've had any kind of community and any kind of direction. Two years with God on the back burner is a long time. But, I think this new church will be a good kickstart again. Needless to say, I loved the place. It was so comfortable! And you get to drink coffee in church. =) Hehe. The message was great, and I have no doubt it will continue to be that way. Hopefully this will all help me get back on track.

Anyway, pictures coming soon to facebook. Before pictures this week, after pictures maybe next week. =D

Packing!

Andrew and I have a meeting to close on our house just 35 minutes from now, and the keys will be in our hands tomorrow. How exciting!!!! Since I'm so excited, I actually started packing! I have 6 boxes packed. Not bad for about 45 minutes of my time, especially since I don't move till next weekend. We want to get as many small things moved over before moving day as we can. Anything to make the big move a little easier. =)

The loan process up till now has been quite stressful. The mortgage rep I was working with was basically a moron that knew very little and made the process pretty horrible. But... it worked out, and I guess that's really all that matters. I think I'll be feeling a huge weight off my shoulders when I get that phone call telling me to come get the keys. Then things will REALLY feel real. So exciting!!!

Getting Closer...

We're getting closer to closing day on our house. =) It's pretty exciting. Andrew and I have spent much time dreaming about all the things we want to do to it as soon as we get the keys. We'll spend a week and a half painting, cleaning up the hardwood floors, and doing small projects to make it our own. Then we'll move in the last weekend of April. It feels so far away, but I know it'll sneak up on us. I have so many ideas of ways to decorate and furniture to buy.

We also have quite a list of bigger projects. We'll be turning our den into a library and building shelves into the walls. That will probably be a winter project. We'll also be making a brick patio on the back. That will be an early summer project. =) And the biggest and best part of all, is the kitchen remodel we'll be doing next summer! We'll be bumping the wall out and adding a three foot addition on the back of the house, and then totally gutting and redoing the entire kitchen/dining room area. Let me tell you... it needs it. It's currently a very small, VERY outdated kitchen. But I can live with it for a year until we make it amazing.

So now that we've done all this constant thinking and planning, we're ready to move! Stay tuned for a housewarming party sometime in June.

I'm told I'm a bad blogger...

So I know I don't blog often, but I'm planning on doing better at it.

Now that it's three weeks later... and update on my surgery! It went AMAZING! I seriously feel like nothing ever happened. Ever since I woke up from the anesthesia, I have had no pain. At the very most, I've had some aches here and there. Or, if I over do the lifting and moving, I feel really exhausted at night. But really, I can't complain. They didn't have to put in any drains. They creep me out, so I was very happy to wake up and find zero tubes coming out of me. They also were able to do adhesive stitches so I didn't even have to go back and get stitches taken out! They had me stay over night just to monitor me, but by the time I came home, I was feeling good as new. So, I spent my two weeks off from work just watching TV, playing on the computer, reading a little bit, and enjoying many visits and dinners from friends and family.

Even right now, just three weeks later, I feel so good that it's hard to imagine that it ever happened. It's a shame that I spent so much time agonizing over the anticipation of the surgery, but there's no way that I could have known my body would react so well. Most people that have this surgery are in serious pain afterward. I was truly lucky and truly blessed. It's pretty unbelievable.

Other good things... Andrew and I are buying a house! Woot! Our offer has been accepted, our loan is being processed, the inspection went well... so now we just wait for our closing date! We're scheduled to close on April 15th! So in just a few weeks, Andrew and I will be leaving the apartment life forever and settling down in Fairlawn, OH. That is, until we find a good excuse to settle down in North Carolina somewhere. =P Anyways, it's a cute white cape-cod that has lots of charm and personality. It's mostly move in ready, but has a lot of projects we want to do over the years. One of them is a kitchen remodel next summer. So fun!

Thats all for now, but I promise I'll update again soon.

Motivated!

So at the end of 2008, I hit a downspot. I was just feeling depressed all the time and overly stressed out. I came to realize that I had many reasons to be stressed. 2008 was hard! I got married, changed jobs twice, moved, started planning to have a major surgery, fought with some of my family, and grew closer to the rest. Most are obviously good things, but it can still be draining to do all that in one year. And the way it's looking, 2009 isn't going to be much more calm.

But... I'm trying to take steps to make each day more enjoyable. I'm trying to eat healthier, read more, stay up a little bit later, and just relax. More importantly, I'm trying to start actually working out! It's not going to shabby actually. I worked out two days this week and two days last week. I know that's not a HUGE amount, but its WAY more consistant than I've ever been before. I've started putting a smiley face in my planner on the days I worked out and then making a big smily face at the end of each week with a total number for the week. I know it sounds way corny, but it helps motivate me. Plus, I found out today that if I play motivational/inspirational/spiritual music in the background, it really makes it more enjoyable. It's like I'm working out my mind and body at the same time. So relaxing. Love it. AND... Christa cut and highlighted my hair yesterday. You might think that's unrelated, but its alot easier to work out when you're already feeling pretty and good about yourself. Motivation is key, and now that I'm figuring out what gets me there, I might actually keep up with it. Hopefully all these positive things I'm taking hold of will keep me from feeling this quarter life crisis that's been looming around me.

Side note #1: Surgery was moved to March 2nd. I guess because of my size, they need to do the surgery at the main Cleveland Clinic campus downtown. I guess they need more resources because of the amount of fluids I'll be losing and such. I don't really like being a special case, but it definately reminds me that I'm doing the right thing by getting this done. It's just coming so fast and I'm SO scared. I need a million hands to hold cause I'm a wimp.

Side note #2: I want to move to North Carolina. =) And actually not kidding. It's been one of the focal points of Andrew and I's conversations lately. If I moved there, would you visit me? Cause I really really really wanna go. So bad. It'd be such an adventure!

Side note #3: I've been reading Obama's book, "Dreams From My Father." I've really been enjoying getting to know him as a person. I've never taken much interest in politics and our leaders until now, and it's really quite interesting. Anyway. There was this part that really hit me. And the more I read it over and over, it's so true. So I thought I'd share, and then leave it to thought...

"Strange how a single conversation can change you. Or maybe it only seems that way in retrospect. A year passes and you know you feel differently, but you're not sure what or why or how, so your mind casts back for something that might give that difference shape: a word, a glance, a touch. . . a bridge between my future and my past."

Bestest Friends

I've been thinking about friendships a lot lately. How some get closer and some get further. Some come back in your life and some walk out. It's had me up and it's had me down. Sometimes as friendships grow and fade, you begin to wonder why you hear from people less. Or why things just don't feel like they used to. I think most of life can get confusing when you let circumstance and emotions take over instead of resting in the cold hard facts.

And the facts are these... I learned tonight that friendships may become foggy around the plateaus of life, but around the best and the worst times... that's when friends shine. Your best friend is the one you call when you just need someone to cry to, or when you need someone that can smile from the inside out right along with you. Best friendship is when you truly feel like you're standing right next to someone, holding their hand, feeling their joy run through your blood just like its running through theirs. So good. It feels so good. I'm happy. =)