So I'm a bad blogger. Katie informed of this, ummm... maybe 2 weeks ago? ...when I already hadn't blogged in weeks. Yeah. Bad Amy. So here I am blogging when I'm not sure what I'm blogging about. Actually, I think the longer the time went, the harder it was to blog because, of course, the standards would raise with each passing day. If there was nothing important enough to blog about for so entirely long, then what about today makes this blog worthwhile? Nothing. So here I am, blogging about blogging. Ironic, eh? Time to change the topic...
So lately I've been soul searching one may say. Jessica and I decided to read this book together called "Living with Enthusiasm." It's basically a 21 day daily read to help you live on the brighter side of life. I'd say I really liked the first half, but the second half kinda did the opposite of it's intent and left me a bit depressed. I came out of it feeling as though I have no passions, no goals, no energy, and few people in my life. I dunno. Everything in my life is SO good right now. I have a great husband, a job I finally enjoy, and very few responsibilities. But honestly (I know this is crazy) but I think that I really struggle with things not being hard. How backwards is that? I have SO much free time. And even when I am busy, it's because we're spending time with friends. I could feasibly do anything I want any evening of the week. Yet, from the second I get home at night, I feel like the evening is over. Instead of enjoying each moment and just doing what I want to do, when I want to do it, I feel stressed because I can see time ticking away. Isn't that odd? I think it is. It's really just a matter of perspective. So many things in life are.
Example 1: I know that if I just get up 15 minutes earlier everyday, I will have a better morning and a better day. And I know that the 15 more minutes I spend in bed (after already snoozing for 30 other minutes) will not be what keeps me from being tired. In fact, I easily get 8 hours of sleep a night. Yet... when push comes to shove, I stay in bed until I'm forcing myself to run around like crazy and out the door.
Example 2: I know that I'd like to get back into music, at least somehow. I hesitate to play my horn because I know I'm going to be extremely rusty (3 years have passed since I played), and I know that in apartment buildings walls are thin. So I'd just feel guilty the whole time. But... I could try to teach myself to play guitar, like I've always wanted to. I've been thinking about this for at least a month and just yesterday I finally opened up the guitar case. I played for 15 minutes, and that was it. Where's my motivation? Argh. It's almost like I know that if I get caught up in playing for an evening, time will fly and it'll be time for bed and time for another day. But what's so bad with time passing? I like my job, so another day shouldn't be so bad, right?
I sound like I'm pouting, but I'm really not. I'm just trying to figure myself out. I'm not trying to be an emo-blogger. It's just been on my mind. I need to find some motivation and some goals. I need a fire to be lit under my bum. =P
Well, there's a blog post for you K8E. =) I'll try to keep up on em from here on out...
