Today is hard...

It's April 1st, Nathan's due date. I really wanted him to come today. Not just because I'm "ready," but because Andrew and I really enjoyed having April Fool's day as a due date. Since our little guy was a surprise, we've called it God's little joke on us. Too bad, even if i went into labor now, chances of me having him before the day is over are very slim. Everyday he doesn't come is just disappointing. You can give me all the encouraging words you want, saying "he'll be here before you know it," or "God has perfect timing," but it doesn't change the way I feel. Nine months is a long time to wait and each passing day just gets harder and harder as I become less and less able to get around and do my normal activities.

It also makes me sad cause I've been holding onto my census form. It's supposed to be the number of people living in our house as of April 1st. I was so sure that Nathan was going to come early, that I kept holding onto it so I could send it in with him on it too. But no. No luck.

I just want this all to be over. And it's really disappointing that as each day passes, it's more and more likely that I have to walk into a hospital on tuesday evening and let the medicine do it for me. Baby's are supposed to be a surprise. They're supposed to pick their birthday. Now all the magic's being snapped out of it and taken care of by a needle and some drugs. Great. How exciting...

I'm just disappointed, that's all. Of course none of this will matter once he's in my arms, but he's not in my arms right now, so I can't exactly change the way it all makes me feel.