Today is hard...

It's April 1st, Nathan's due date. I really wanted him to come today. Not just because I'm "ready," but because Andrew and I really enjoyed having April Fool's day as a due date. Since our little guy was a surprise, we've called it God's little joke on us. Too bad, even if i went into labor now, chances of me having him before the day is over are very slim. Everyday he doesn't come is just disappointing. You can give me all the encouraging words you want, saying "he'll be here before you know it," or "God has perfect timing," but it doesn't change the way I feel. Nine months is a long time to wait and each passing day just gets harder and harder as I become less and less able to get around and do my normal activities.

It also makes me sad cause I've been holding onto my census form. It's supposed to be the number of people living in our house as of April 1st. I was so sure that Nathan was going to come early, that I kept holding onto it so I could send it in with him on it too. But no. No luck.

I just want this all to be over. And it's really disappointing that as each day passes, it's more and more likely that I have to walk into a hospital on tuesday evening and let the medicine do it for me. Baby's are supposed to be a surprise. They're supposed to pick their birthday. Now all the magic's being snapped out of it and taken care of by a needle and some drugs. Great. How exciting...

I'm just disappointed, that's all. Of course none of this will matter once he's in my arms, but he's not in my arms right now, so I can't exactly change the way it all makes me feel.

Waiting...

So I've had a total of three weeks off work now, waiting on Nathan's arrival. You'd think I would have jumped back into the blogging world before now, but somehow the thought just didn't cross my mind. So I figure now that my pregnancy has less than 7 days to go, it's a good time to start back up.

So baby Nathan is due tomorrow and I can't tell you how ready I am for him to be here. It's going to be such an exciting adventure and I can't wait. I'm still having a hard time imagining what it's really going to be like to have him handed to me. I joke that he better be cute cause all his procrastination has earned him a kick in the pants. ;) Of course, I won't feel a bit that way once he's here, I'm sure.

I think the anxiety of waiting is so high because my doctor was predicting him to come early. Now that the due date is here, they're just predicting him to be large. Great! Lol. Words of wisdom for future pregnant women: don't let yourself create a phantom early due date. It'll only make things harder when the baby comes on time or late! And it's no fun receiving upwards of five calls a day with the question "baby yet?" No... no baby yet. Trust me, you'll know when he's here. Promise! =D

So I had a doctors appointment today and was told that I'm scheduled to be induced next tuesday night. That means they'll start prepping me tuesday evening (I'll leave out the details). Hah. It'll just be Andrew and I at that point. Then wednesday morning, they'll start giving me the drugs that actually induce the labor. Sounds fun, eh? Needless to say, I am NOT excited about it. For one, it's going to make it an extra long process and increase my anxiety as tuesday gets closer and closer. For two, it's just disappointing my body's not taking these steps on it's own. I logically know that there's nothing I can do to change how the little guy decides to enter the world, but it's still frustrating. The good part though, is that there's a deadline to all the waiting. One week from now, we should have our beautiful little man here with us. =) Can't wait for that part!

In the mean time, let's all pray that he comes on his own. Perhaps tomorrow, on his due date, so we can be out of the hospital and at home for Easter? That'd be nice. Maybe he's not going to be late after all. Maybe he's just good at doing what he's told. He was told April 1st and he's stickin to it. I hope! =D

Hormones are a crazy thing!

So Andrew had the pleasure of experiencing his first true "I have a crazy pregnant wife" moment yesterday. I can't help but share.

So I had a rough "identity" weekend. My belly is really starting to grow and that causes quite a change! For one, we have a Halloween party next weekend. So I'm trying to find a costume, and it is hard! On one hand, being pregnant, you don't feel "cute" in anything, and doing most costumes feels odd. Example... characters from Scoobie Doo... cute idea... oh wait... a pregnant Daphne? Wierd. Right. So, I feel obligated to do something "pregnant," but then everything feels over the top corny. Anyway, this caused me to be slightly down and moody.

On top of that, I don't move the same way I used to. Leaning forward doesn't feel so great, and touching my toes is a new obstacle. I can still touch them, but I just have to bend differently than I used to. So... this is where the funny comes in. Last night, I was trying to change my clothes before bed. Well, my foot got caught in my jeans because I didn't use my new methods of successfully reaching my feet. Then... I fell over! Boom on the floor. I immediately broke into tears, not because I hurt anything, but because of the frustration. THEN I started laughing! Come on. It was funny. I mean, I fell on the floor cause I couldn't successfully reach my foot to take of my pants. So I was seriously laughing and crying BOTH as hard as I could. It was intense. Such joy and sorrow all at the same time. Super upset/emotional cause my body was changing, but hilarious because I know that it's normal and it's probably quite funny to watch.

Poor Andrew. He could hardly get a word in I was crying/laughing so hard. He looked at the dog and said "Hmm.. Maddy, Mom's acting kinda crazy isn't she? We're gonna leave for a minute." Haha. So he took a five minute break and came back to find me settled down for the most part. Funny funny. Gonna remember that one for awhile. Hormones are definately a crazy thing!

A big baby boy!

So our ultrasound went well last friday. As most everyone knows, we found out we were having a little boy! Andrew and I didn't want to have too many wishes about the gender, but we both admit that we were hoping and expecting it to be a little boy. It's nice to know we've escaped the possibility of having a family of all girls. =) I think Andrew might have gone a little crazy if that had happened. Now he has a little boy to play racquetball and golf with!

The doctor also told us that everything looked healthy! That's definitely a good start. =) The only interesting part was that he told us the baby's measuring two weeks ahead of schedule! So either they miscalculated my due date, or I'm having a really big baby! They said that they'll look again and clarify at my next ultrasound in December. Let's just hope its the due date! I don't think any woman looks forward to having a big baby! That would not be a fun day. Maybe this is payback since when my mom had me I was 10 pounds.

Blessed...

Things are starting to really fall into place. I've been overwhelmed for the past 2 months with the question of to stay home after baby, or not to stay home. Well, finally, a few weeks ago, Andrew and I decided that we wanted me to stay home. At least most of the time. We know that it's unrealistic if I stay home 100% of the time with zero income. So since then, we've been throwing around ideas of different part time jobs I could do. Finally, two nights ago, I realized that I'm not going to really have an answer to that question until the baby comes. It's not like I'm going to find a job offer right now that wants to give me a job 9 months from now. So Andrew and I talked about it and we decided to just wait and to trust. We decided we'd just plan on me leaving my job in April and that come June, we'd see what job God had waiting for me in the wings.

Well, funny how when you finally decide to trust God, he can sometimes come through rather quickly. I don't want to say too much yet until it's official, but it looks like I might get the best of both worlds. Keeping my job, and having lots of time with baby. We feel very lucky. =)

The more we figure out the logistics of our little bundle of joy, the more I allow myself to feel true excitement. I still can't believe I'm going to have a little baby in my arms in just 6 months. Actually, I'm having a harder time believing that a year and half from now, I'll have a little one year old running around. Having a growing child feels a lot more unreal than having a tiny baby. =D Crazy!

Careful What You Wish For...

...here it comes... the revealing! Most people already know, so why not blog about it. I need a place to jot down my feelings. ;) Anyway...

I'm sitting here totally an absolutely blown away by my last post. That's why I had to write this entry RIGHT NOW! I'm so blown away! Two months ago. 11 Weeks ago. I said in my blog " I'm ready for God to surprise me some more..." (Check if you don't believe me) Omg, does He listen! That very day/week/general time frame, there were tiny little cells coming together and multiplying like crazy without me having a clue. A baby! I'm exactly 11 weeks along, exactly 11 weeks after I was writing a journal entry about how much God can do in a year that we couldn't possibly imagine. It's so true! Andrew and I had no idea that next April, we'd be inviting a new little life into this world, but we are! And we couldn't be more thrilled. Although it came as a surprise, it didn't take us more than 5 minutes to be hooked on the idea. And in just a matter of weeks, our whole life, our purpose, our general direction took on a new light. A baby! Can you believe it!? I still can't sometimes. =)

I've been super lucky so far. Hardly any sickness. Heartburn at most. Can't complain. The only "symptoms" I've really had are complete crazy tiredness and my pants getting a little snug. ;) That and my body just doesn't feel "normal." I spose it'll be awhile till I feel "normal" again. And then I'm guessing that normalcy will take on a whole new meaning.

Anyway, I'm sure that the blog posts will multiply from here on out. There are so many things I'm learning about myself, and so many concerns that need "talking" out. Definately a huge subject matter for this lovely blog of mine. So I'll definately keep you posted. All I can say right now is that it's super exciting and I can't believe how quickly I'm sure this is all going to happen. Although, as exciting as it is... it's scary too! I'm scared of the process, of what's going to be taking place in my body. I'm scared of knowing what to do as a first time Mom. I'm scared I won't be good enough, smart enough, loving enough. They say it all comes natural. I sure hope so! Cause being responsible for such a tiny life that's going to do great things... that's intimidating!...

...but so amazing! =D

Time Flys!

Fourth of July weekend. Two years ago, yesterday, Andrew proposed to me. Who knew we'd be here. Who knew...

1) We'd have a beautiful and perfect wedding day
2) Get a cat
3) I'd get a new job with awesome co-workers and stability
4) Have the breast reduction I'd dreamed about
5)Buy a house we thought it'd take years to get
6) Buy a dog
7) Be regularly attending an amazing church with my brother and his wife
8) Meet new friends that have become so close
9) Watch close friends get engaged and married

It's been a fast two years. Funny how you always think you'll know exactly where you'll be "one year from now," five years, etc. But really, you have... no... i... dea. Most of those things on the list, I couldn't have guessed would happen. And even just in the next year to come, I'm sure things will happen that I can't imagine. Yet somehow, we always feel like we know it all. Like we can see it all coming. As if what we have right here, right now, is all we're ever gonna have. I'm ready for God to surprise me some more...