I Think I'm Growing Up.

So the past few months have been a whirlwind and somehow throughout that whirlwind, I've been growing deeper as a person and a follower of Christ than I have in a long time. It's so true that God really meets you in the lowest and deepest places. I think He loves having the opportunity to pull you out of the pit.

I've been thinking and focusing a lot lately on being the best Amy possible. I've been trying to lose weight, read more books, spend daily time with God, and invest myself in people around me. What I've been learning through this process is that everyone I come in contact with (friends, customers, coworkers) has a varying opinion about what the best "me" is. Everyone in your life has expectations of you. It's normal. It's typical. It's exhausting. So, as I'm on this adventure of being the best me I can be, how can I possibly be all these different things to all these different people? At the same time, how can I be the best me for myself? Well... I can't.

So what do I do with this? No matter what I do, how I act, what I say or how I present myself, someone somewhere will be disappointed with the me that I am. Well, lucky me, I have the answer. All I can do is try my best to work towards being more like Christ everyday. Humans are flawed, myself included. He is not. Therefore, if He is satisfied with my heart and my intentions, that's really all that matters.

So instead of striving to be the best me that my friends want to see, or the best me that I want to see, here's to striving to be the best me that God wants to see. I'm sure I won't get it right everyday or even every hour. But I'm gonna try. Cause His is the only standard that I know is good and righteous...

Here and There

So it's been awhile since I've made any blog or facebook updates on life. I figured it was time. Maddy is doing well. We've heard a whole lotta nothing back from the crappy vet, but since then we've found a new one! We've started taking Maddy to the Akron Medina Veterinary Hospital. They are great and we had a much less expensive appointment with them that actually gave us some results! They diagnosed Maddy with a bacterial infection and started her on antibiotics. Yes, its true... there were no ear mites. But the crappy vet still should have noticed all these scabs and lesions all over her body that were multiplying like mad crazy. So since she's been on the antibiotic, there's been major improvement. We got her coat shaved all the way down so we could see her poor irritated skin (which is what lead us to make another vet appointment) and the scabs are starting to go away. Unfortunately, as each of these scabs go away, she's left with hairless patches of pink skin. Poor girl. They're all over her legs, feet, butt and back. It's quite pathetic looking. But, she's in such a better mood and back to her usual Maddy self. So as soon as her skin looks a little less disgusting, we can say that she's all better! They say it could take a month or so.

As for me and my New Year/New Self... I'm on a diet! I have yet to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, until now! In fact, I'm doing so good that I'm passing it up and losing even more! I've been tracking everything I eat on sparkpeople.com and it has seriously changed my life. It has opened my eyes to the horrible things I used to put in my body and it's shed light on things that are still tasty, yet good for you! The first day I started tracking what I ate, I actually consumed 3000 calories that day! Yuck! (Granted, this included a date night with Andrew and lots of fried food, so I wasn't necessarily that gross every day) Since then, I've got it down to between 1200 - 1500 calories a day. In the past 3.5 weeks, I've lost 8 pounds! It's amazing! And I don't even have to make my lazy butt exercise! And after the initial yearing for fried horribleness, I actually don't even desire to eat that stuff anymore. Well... ok, sometimes I do. But for the most part, I'm enjoying how much better my body feels when I fill it with healthy eats. Loving it! My goal is 10 more pounds by spring so that I can look stunning by the time it's bridesmaid season. =) Plus, whenever our next little bundle of joy is on the way, maybe these healthy habits will keep him/her a little smaller than our 10 pound Nathan. =)

What. A. Week...

And it's still going! So I've told the story of Maddy and the vet a million times already, but it definitely deserves a blog post for those who I don't talk to on a regular basis. Here comes the play by play!!!

Last wednesday/thursday, Maddy had a bloody nose. Not an intense amount, but a decent size drip. Everytime she would go outside, it'd start up again, so I attributed it to the cold weather drying her out. Saturday morning, she started losing her appetite. By saturday afternoon, she stopped eating all together and by saturday night, she had diarrhea. This continued through all of sunday. By the end of the day sunday, I noticed her paws were bloody and she was chewing on them constantly and they were starting to bleed. She wasn't herself. Hardly getting up or moving at all. In fact, her paws were so irritated that she hobbled as she walked. Poor girl. =(

Monday morning I decided she needed to go to the vet. She still wasn't eating and I was worried about dehydration. She just kept looking more and more miserable. So I called the vet and they told me they didn't have any appointments availalble, so take her to the ER. (Strike one) I was ticked because taking her to the ER meant $100 office visit rather than a $30 office visit.

Into the ER we go with Katie in tow cause she was here visiting. So sorry it put a damper on our fun, but boy was it great to have my best friend by my side while I took "man's best friend" to the doctor. So I tell the ER doctor all her symptoms. They insist that the itching and biting at her paws is because she's developed a food allergy. My first problem with this is that they made this assumption without even doing any kind of exam on her yet. They decided that this was the problem and didn't work to investigate it further. In fact, through our whole experience, they never once asked me what I feed Maddy or suggested something new to try.

At this point I also informed them that she's been having itching in her ears for at least a month now and that it looks exactly the same as when our cat had ear mites. The ER doctor responds (without even lifting up the flap of her ears to check) that this is because of the food allergy and that ear mites aren't as common in dogs as cats. Ok, I say... doctor's know best, right?

So I leave her there and wait for a call to hear how the blood work and x-rays went. The purpose of these tests were to see why she wasn't eating and why she was having diarrhea. Well, after four hours, I decide to call and check in on her myself. I call the ER and they inform me to call my vet that works at the Bath Veterinary Clinic. They say that she's the one overseeing the case and that they're forwarding all information to her. So I call her. And she knows hardly anything. She hasn't seen Maddy at all. She's just reading the info they gave her via fax. Helpful, eh? She tells me that the tests all came back clear and that they don't know what's wrong with her, but they'll keep her there and keep her hydrated till morning.

So I get a call tuesday morning. Again, from the vet that hasn't seen Maddy at all. She tells me that Maddy's doing better! "Great," I think! Then she goes on to say that Maddy still isn't eating. She isn't pooping at all. And the inflamation on her feet is getting worse. But they think I should take her home. Wait a minute... where's the great? From what I'm hearing, you're telling me she's getting worse.

I decide to just let it go and get off the phone. I decided I'll just go to the ER to pick Maddy up and insist on talking to a doctor on site that is actually interacting with Maddy. So I go and request to see a doctor and they insist that the only doctor I can talk to is the one I've already been conversing with on the phone. So they put me on the phone with her again! I was fuming. Seriously, intensely mad. So I got straight up...

I told her that I spent nearly $700 on all these tests because I was worried about my dog and now they're sending me home with a dog that I'm even more worried about because she hadn't eaten in 3 days and her itching was getting worse! The doctor talked herself in circles and then offered for me to spend another $1000 on an internal medicine specialist. Right. Fat chance. So I took all her records and test results with me and headed home with a sick dog.

The gave me medicine for her that they didn't tell me how to administer. They told me to put her back on her regular diet. (Remind you, they don't know what this regular diet is, and they suggest that she has a food allergy... but I should keep it the same????) They didn't tell me to follow up or anything. Just "take her home."

By tuesday afternoon, Maddy decided to eat a little bit. Thank God! She still looked miserable though. By tuesday evening, I noticed she now had a scabby bloody spot on the tip of her ear. Wierd. She couldn't have chewed the tip of her ear, so these scabs have to be popping up for a different reason. Andrew hops on google and investigates scabby ears in canines. What causes this? EAR MITES!!!! For real? I told the doctor that's what we thought she had, but they didn't even bother to look. Ok, unedjucated readers... you make the call... Here is a picture of a dog's ear with ear mites...


Here's a picture of Maddy's ear last night... (Granted, it looked a lot dirtier in person, but you get the idea. My camera isn't that great.)


Doesn't take a genius to see that these are the same. And it turns out that if ear mites go untreated, they can start laying eggs under the skin that cause scabby sores and extreme itching. Weird. Sounds like Maddy. =P

So last night, I made a trip to petsmart. Andrew and I proceeded to give Maddy a bath in an insecticide and treated her ears with ear mite cleaner. Already this morning, the itching has gone down a bit and her mood is right back to the hyper Maddy we know and love. She's started eating again and she's getting much better all around.

Thank you Dr. Thorp, Bath Veterinary Clinic, and Metropolitan Veterinary Hospital for charging us $700 for blood work and x-rays instead of just lifting up my dog's ear to check on the mites I told you I thought were there. Coulda saved us a lot of trouble, money and heartache. Google did a better job on making my dog healthier and more comfortable than you did.

P.S. As for the bloody nose... mites can travel down to the nose and cause nosebleeds. Hmm... coincidence?

From Surviving to Thriving...

2010 was one of the roughest, yet most blessed years of my life. It's amazing how some of the greatest and most rewarding things can also be so stressful. From having a beautiful baby boy amidst a 6 month long kitchen remodel, to spending 5 days in the hospital when he had RSV... I'd say this year has been a whirlwind. Most of the time I was just surviving from one day to the next. From one adventure to another.

But, I wouldn't trade a minute of my time with these two men for anything.


And who can argue with having a kitchen like this?


And despite all the sickness Nathan experienced the month of December. It doesn't stop his smiles.


All I can say is that I'm ready to go from surviving, to thriving. And with that, most importantly, is taking full advantage of the wonderful friends and family I have surrounding me. This year, my resolution is to be more intentional in my relationships. To deepen my relationships rather than just maintain them.

Most of all, I just want to be a better me. =)

Praying for a healthier year...

December has truly been the hardest month of my life. Poor little Nathan just can't catch a break. From our hospital stay the first week of the month, to his bout with the flu this past week of the month, I'm learning that being a mom can be painful. It is so hard to watch my little guy be so sad and be so sick and not be able to do anything about it. Granted, this flu bug he caught isn't the end of the world, but it's just bringing all the memories of our hospital stay back to the surface of my heart. I just want the little guy to be healthy. I feel like every bug that comes around seems to find its way into my little boy. =(

I can say that I'm thankful for the blessings that have made this month bearable...

1) Friends and family constantly offering anything they could to help us during our lowest of times.

2) Nathan's first Christmas was AMAZING! He had so much fun playing with the paper and pushing boxes around. His favorite gifts of course were all under $5. Racquet balls, maracas, and a plush football.

3) The flexibility of a part time schedule and managers that are more than understanding of the extenuating circumstances that have caused me to be so MIA this month.

4) The sermon series at church. Pastor Jeff has been preaching about God being "With Us" and what that really means. Boy has it helped to just close my eyes sometime and visualize God literally being at my side and holding me and little Nathan through these tough moments.

All I want for the new year is a fresh start with a healthy Nathan. The first 11 months of 2010 weren't so bad. Let's let go of December and go back to that...

Embarking on an Adventure!

So I've decided that with my new schedule, I need to be sure to devote some of my free time to God. I've never been good at setting aside intentional time to read and study the Bible, so I figured it's time to start. I would call it a New Year's resolution, but those never work out... so I'll call it a New Amy resolution. One more way to intentionally become the better me I'm striving to be. =)

This devotional book is a study of 52 different women from the Bible. The idea is to read about one woman a week. There are five daily readings or exercises each week... allowing you two days of wiggle room to keep on track. It says it's intention is to "help you approach the story of salvation with fresh eyes." It teaches you about the woman's story and the background of her life and times.

I'm quite excited about it. If anyone out there wants to join me and hold each other accountable to keeping on track, let me know! I know it sounds like quite a commitment, but I think it could be really rewarding. =)

LOVING IT!!!

Life is so darn good right now. I honestly can say that I've never been happier. I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom and this working part time thing is the perfect transitional step. Nathan and I have been having a blast together on all my days off and we're starting to get into routines and naps that I can generally plan on.

Nathan's been learning lots of new things lately. One of them is learning to crawl...


Another is learning to pull himself up! He loves staring out the window and looking to see what's going on outside. =)


I've been learning my fair share of new things too! Well, I shouldn't say learning. More like tweaking. Our house has never been cleaner and I've started trying new recipes! Last night, I made Andrew a spicy southwestern mac n cheese! Since mac n cheese is his favorite meal, you don't have to guess that he was quite impressed. =)

I've spent so many years wishing for things and time that I didn't have. Now there's nothing to wish for! I get to spend most of my days home with Nathan, learning to be a good mommy and a better wife. And three days a week, I get to take a little break and get my grown-up time at work. It's perfect. It's really really perfect. I feel so blessed to have this opportunity. ESPECIALLY during the Christmas season!

What a Week...

...and it's not over yet. Wow. It's amazing the strength God gives you during the times you'd think you'd just fall apart. But I think that strength is starting to run out. For those that I haven't talked to directly, here is the short version of a long story.

Nathan started getting sick with a cough and cold Sunday and it progressed into a fever on Monday. Ironically enough, Monday was his last day at daycare and they had to call me an hour before I usually get there to come pick him up. I took him to the doctor Tuesday morning and they did a chest xray, etc. but sent us home saying "he should come out of it soon. Come back Friday for a follow up." Well, he didn't get better. He kept getting worse. After a couple calls to the doctor and them saying I couldn't bring him in sooner as I was requesting, we ended up in the ER on Wednesday night. From there, he was admitted to the PICU (Pediatric ICU) at Akron Children's Hospital. Overnight Wednesday night, he experienced respiratory failure. THANK GOD that we followed our instinct and had him there where the doctors could use all the necessary equipment to keep the little guy's breathing going. He was diagnosed with RSV, a respiratory infection, and because he took it so hard, they're wondering if he has an underlying problem of asthma.

After that, Nathan spent the next three days in PICU, slowly being weened off the oxygen machines. Saturday afternoon, they took him completely off the oxygen. He then got moved off the PICU floor and onto a regular floor. They were hoping he'd come home today, assuming he could stay completely off the oxygen. Unfortunately, during the night Saturday night he needed a little more help, so they put him back on it. Looks like it's going to be at least one more night at the hospital. This truly brings more meaning to the saying "One day at a time." There's really no telling when this nightmare will truly be over.

People keep commenting about how calm and cool and collected I've been through all of this. And it's true. I've really held it together. The tears I've shed have been far and few between. Like I said at the beginning, it's amazing the strength that God can give you. I wouldn't be handling this so well if it weren't for Him. I've been trying to focus on the silver lining. I've been trying to take note of all the ways God held Nathan through this past week and made everything work out so perfectly amidst a horrible scenario. But honestly... I'm feeling my strength fading. Everyday, it gets harder not to just break down. I have a feeling when this is all said and done... when we get home and can have Nathan sitting on the living room floor helping us finally decorate our naked Christmas Tree... that's when I'll break down. Until then, send up prayers that God would give Andrew and I the perseverance to be strong for our precious baby boy.

To the Tree Farm!

This past weekend, Andrew and I headed to the tree farm with his family to chop down some Christmas Trees! This has become a tradition for us over the past few years and it was so exciting to have Nathan with us this year. Too bad it was so cold! Otherwise, we could have played outside even longer. But we managed to get in some awesome shots in the little bit of time we did have.

We were sure to get little man all bundled up and Daddy carried him most of the way. This was quite a task considering he's already over 23 pounds before putting on all the layers!!!


Next, it was my mission to find the perfect "Charlie Brown Tree" for Nathan to sit next to. I think we could say that this was a success! Hehe!


It was nice to have the opportunity for some seasonal family photos.




Stay tuned for pictures of this tree all dressed up in our living room!

Inspired!

Ok, so I'm totally inspired by the blog of Mrs. Sara Radak. She started blogging again... so shall I! Plus, I want to eat those delicious looking oatmeal cookies. I'm hoping that if I give her a shout out here, she'll bring me some. =)

So I haven't posted since Nathan was one month old... 6 and a half months ago! Epic fail! A lot has been happening since then. Lets see if I can sum it up. We completely remodeled our kitchen. When I say completely, I mean it! The only thing left from the previous kitchen is the hard wood floor on the dining room half. Perhaps for my next blog, I'll do a start to finish rundown of how things went. I think you will be quite impressed. Andrew and his dad did a fabulous job. =)

The kitchen project started to come to a close about a month or two ago. It was a solid 6 months of no cooking here in the Husted house. Luckily, Nathan only needed a microwave to survive. We definitely did a lot of dishes in the bathroom sink and ate more than enough meals at my in-laws house. We were lucky to have them, or I might have REALLY gone insane. Not gonna lie, it was tough though. Its emotionally draining to start a family while undergoing a major kitchen remodel, while being a full time working mom. Phew. If Andrew and I made it through that, I think we might be able to make it through anything. =)

As for Nathan... he's as handsome as ever. He's gone from being a 10lb 4 oz suprise to a 23lb happy bouncing little man. He has two teeth. He can roll over and sit up. He's starting to crawl. And last night, he pulled himself up for the first time... IN HIS CRIB! That was definitely a surprise when Andrew went to check on the noise he was making in the middle of the night. His new trick this week is clicking his tongue. It's so cute. He'll really start going with it if you make the same noise back to him. It's like having a conversation!

I think he had his first temper tantrum last week while I was in Target with him. I was buying a new strap for his pacifier and I decided I'd let him play with it while we were walking around. As he started chewing on it, I thought... "Hmm. Maybe we shouldn't hand a soggy item to the cashier. Here Nathan, suck on your pacifier while you just play with this using your hands." So we get to the check out line and it's time to hand the pacifier strap to the cashier. Well, when I take it from Nathan, he screams! I mean embarrassing scream. Like people probably wondering what I'm doing to my child in the check out lane scream. Horrible. So here I was frantically searching through my purse to find something else to put in his little hands. I hand him my keys. Silence. Silence interrupted by little gasping breaths and a tear stained face. Poor guy. I'm sure these adventures will only get more exciting as he continues to take hold of his little personality.

As for Andrew and me... we're fabulous! His job is still going well and mine is on the verge of being amazing. For more than a year, we've been struggling with the debate of me working or staying at home. Our ultimate goal and dream is for me to stay home, but that's not currently a practical reality for us. What I've been doing is working full time. Nathan's gone to daycare a few days a week mixed with going to his Grandma Janice's two days a week. I've tried to get a promotion, but it just wasn't working out the way I planned. Finally, Andrew and I figured that maybe God was trying to tell us something. Maybe the wise thing to do wasn't for me to take steps towards making more money, but towards spending more time with Nathan. In fact, more time with Nathan was our ultimate goal, so promotions aren't exactly a way to work towards that goal. So an opportunity came about and we took it! ... I'm going part time at the bank! I'll be staying at my branch, doing what I've always done, but with less responsibility. I'll work two days during the week, and saturday mornings. No more daycare for Nathan... just some time with Grandma Janice. Sounds good to me! Sounds perfect, really. Hopefully this will give me the time and stress relief I need in order to feel like a more effective mommy, wife, christian and employee. I feel like for the past 7 months, I've just been surviving. I'm ready to live. I'm excited. =)

One of my first steps towards being a more effective Amy is this blog. It's hard to keep in good touch with friends and family when life gets so busy. This is at least one form of communication that I'd like to be better at. Next step... phone calls and play dates. =)

Big Weekend!

So this is quite the weekend for our little family. Nathan is one month old today! Sunday is my first mother's day! And sunday is also when we're having little Nathan dedicated at church! Woo!

I'm very excited for Nathan's dedication. For one: Adam and Becca are having Elsa dedicated too. It's just so nice for it to be a family affair. I can hardly remember when church was a family activity and it's really nice to be able to experience that. I can't wait for Nathan and Elsa to be in sunday school classes together. So cute!

Also: I'm excited to be standing up in front of our church family and making the promise to lead and raise Nathan in the way of Christ. It's an amazing feeling to sit and stare at him and know that I get to play such a huge role in his upbringing. I always intended on raising my kids in "the church," but I'm thrilled to have found such a wonderful church family to actually make it a reality. I can see us being part of this church family for endless years to come, and I can't imagine a better place, a better group of people, to trust with my child and the teachings that he'll be hearing.

I know there are a handful of people in our families and friends that are confused and/or disappointed that we're having him dedicated, not baptized. Andrew and I were both raised in Lutheran churches and we were both baptized as babies, but I'm excited for what Nathan is going to experience. I chose to get baptized again myself about 5 years ago. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life, and Nathan will have that. But instead of it being when he's a baby... a memory he will never have... it will be when he's old enough to look at us himself and tell us of his love for Jesus and ask to be baptized. How cool is that?! Who knows when it will be. Maybe he'll be 5, 10, 15... but when it happens, it'll be so exciting to share that decision and that moment with him. =)

The only disappointment about this weekend is the few people that I really thought would make an effort to come, but aren't. I remember when I got married, how I'd be surprised who considered one thing more important that something else. It was a reality check to me. Sometimes the most important and exciting thing in your life just isn't a priority in someone else's. Luckily, I learned that lesson then. And although it can sometimes be a lesson I need to learn again and again, I'm going to do my best to focus on all the people that we do get to share this weekend with.

Happy one month birthday, Nathan! We love you and we can't wait to hold your hand as you grow. <3

Babies and Kitchens and Dogs, Oh my!

So I really wish I had been updating more, but I've had my hands quite literally full with little Nathan Man. It's been busy here around the Husted house. Andrew's been working his regular job 40 hours a week, followed by working on our kitchen remodel nearly every week night and the entire weekend. Needless to say, it's been loud (mix kitchen demolition with crying baby and barking dog and that's my life), and he's been so busy that I've been on Nathan duty nearly 24/7. I do my best not to complain considering that I agreed to this kitchen remodel many months ago. I guess I didn't realize how emotionally draining a newborn baby is. I'm lucky that Nathan is so good, but it doesn't mean he doesn't require constant attention. It gets quite monotonous and I'm the type of person that likes some variety. Being a stay at home mom would sound more fun if I knew I got my evenings and weekends off with another set of hands. =P We've had much help, which has been appreciated, but it's not the same as Daddy taking over. =)

Nathan's doing awesome well. He has many a fussy moment during the day, but he's sleeping really well at night. Can't complain! He's pretty consistent at giving us a 6 hour stretch followed by another 3-4 hour stretch with a feeding in between. But two nights ago he gave us a full 8 hours! I woke up in a panic because I was so surprised!

Maternity leave is coming quickly to an end. Since I went out of work 4 weeks early, I have to go back 4 weeks early. This didn't bother me when I first went out of work because I was honestly planning not to go back. I had just gotten so miserable at my job and I needed a switch. Andrew and I had it all planned for me to serve a few nights a week and just trade Nathan back and forth. Then... we got a new manager at work and all of my coworkers love their jobs again. That threw a wrench into my plans. After much consideration, it looks like Andrew and I are at least going to give it a shot with me going back to work during the days. I figure I can see how things are and go from there. If it doesn't work out like I'm hoping, I can always quit later and go back to plan A. The only catch is that now we need someone to watch Nathan during the days. We aren't really interested in doing a standard day care. We're hoping to find someone through our church, or through friends, that does in-home care. We'd only need it two to three days a week. I will have wednesdays off and Andrew's mom can watch him one or two days a week as well. So something part time would be splendid. If anyone knows anyone in the Fairlawn/West Akron area that might be interested, please let us know! We need to have this worked out by mid-June if we want this to be a possibility. Otherwise, to serving I go!

Nathan's currently napping here next to me in his bouncy seat. If he gives me a nice break like this again soon, I'll be sure to do more posting! AND... when I get some kitchen pictures, I'll post some of the demolition that's been going on. =) Can't wait till it's done! It's going to be beautiful!!!

One Week Later...

Nathan is already a week old! Crazy! It's been such an exciting week, though. So far, he's such a good baby! I'm trying not to get too excited cause I know they can change so quickly over the weeks. He naps all day, so I've been pretty well rested and he's even doing pretty darn good at sleeping during the night. The first few nights he woke up every couple of hours, but it was always cause he wanted something. Food, diaper change, etc. He'd always go right back to bed after we took care of it. The last two nights, though, he's decided he doesn't want to go to bed until 2 or 3. The only plus side of this is that once he does go to bed, he sleeps a good five hours and doesn't wake up till 7 or 8. So at least we've been getting some good chunks of sleep in there. =)

He's such an attentive baby, as some of you may have noticed through our facebook videos. He's always checking things out and he'll stare right at you and study your face. I love it. Sometimes it makes it hard to put him down. It's just been so fun getting to know him. We're having a blast. =D

Andrew's been back to work for three days now. On Monday, my mom was here and took Nathan and I to his first doctors appointment. The doctor said that he's a perfect baby. Yes! Hehe. Then we took the little guy over to visit my mom's friend Mary who lives close by to the doctors office. We had much fun showing off his baby blue eyes. Since then, it's just been me and Nathan during the day, and honestly it's going amazingly well. He's so content just hanging out whether he's sleeping or awake. I've been able to get naps, catch up online, watch tv... pretty much anything. So far, he's so easy that I almost get a little bored. I'm sure that won't last forever, so for now, I'll take it.

Happy one week, Nathan!!!! <3

Today is hard...

It's April 1st, Nathan's due date. I really wanted him to come today. Not just because I'm "ready," but because Andrew and I really enjoyed having April Fool's day as a due date. Since our little guy was a surprise, we've called it God's little joke on us. Too bad, even if i went into labor now, chances of me having him before the day is over are very slim. Everyday he doesn't come is just disappointing. You can give me all the encouraging words you want, saying "he'll be here before you know it," or "God has perfect timing," but it doesn't change the way I feel. Nine months is a long time to wait and each passing day just gets harder and harder as I become less and less able to get around and do my normal activities.

It also makes me sad cause I've been holding onto my census form. It's supposed to be the number of people living in our house as of April 1st. I was so sure that Nathan was going to come early, that I kept holding onto it so I could send it in with him on it too. But no. No luck.

I just want this all to be over. And it's really disappointing that as each day passes, it's more and more likely that I have to walk into a hospital on tuesday evening and let the medicine do it for me. Baby's are supposed to be a surprise. They're supposed to pick their birthday. Now all the magic's being snapped out of it and taken care of by a needle and some drugs. Great. How exciting...

I'm just disappointed, that's all. Of course none of this will matter once he's in my arms, but he's not in my arms right now, so I can't exactly change the way it all makes me feel.

Waiting...

So I've had a total of three weeks off work now, waiting on Nathan's arrival. You'd think I would have jumped back into the blogging world before now, but somehow the thought just didn't cross my mind. So I figure now that my pregnancy has less than 7 days to go, it's a good time to start back up.

So baby Nathan is due tomorrow and I can't tell you how ready I am for him to be here. It's going to be such an exciting adventure and I can't wait. I'm still having a hard time imagining what it's really going to be like to have him handed to me. I joke that he better be cute cause all his procrastination has earned him a kick in the pants. ;) Of course, I won't feel a bit that way once he's here, I'm sure.

I think the anxiety of waiting is so high because my doctor was predicting him to come early. Now that the due date is here, they're just predicting him to be large. Great! Lol. Words of wisdom for future pregnant women: don't let yourself create a phantom early due date. It'll only make things harder when the baby comes on time or late! And it's no fun receiving upwards of five calls a day with the question "baby yet?" No... no baby yet. Trust me, you'll know when he's here. Promise! =D

So I had a doctors appointment today and was told that I'm scheduled to be induced next tuesday night. That means they'll start prepping me tuesday evening (I'll leave out the details). Hah. It'll just be Andrew and I at that point. Then wednesday morning, they'll start giving me the drugs that actually induce the labor. Sounds fun, eh? Needless to say, I am NOT excited about it. For one, it's going to make it an extra long process and increase my anxiety as tuesday gets closer and closer. For two, it's just disappointing my body's not taking these steps on it's own. I logically know that there's nothing I can do to change how the little guy decides to enter the world, but it's still frustrating. The good part though, is that there's a deadline to all the waiting. One week from now, we should have our beautiful little man here with us. =) Can't wait for that part!

In the mean time, let's all pray that he comes on his own. Perhaps tomorrow, on his due date, so we can be out of the hospital and at home for Easter? That'd be nice. Maybe he's not going to be late after all. Maybe he's just good at doing what he's told. He was told April 1st and he's stickin to it. I hope! =D

Hormones are a crazy thing!

So Andrew had the pleasure of experiencing his first true "I have a crazy pregnant wife" moment yesterday. I can't help but share.

So I had a rough "identity" weekend. My belly is really starting to grow and that causes quite a change! For one, we have a Halloween party next weekend. So I'm trying to find a costume, and it is hard! On one hand, being pregnant, you don't feel "cute" in anything, and doing most costumes feels odd. Example... characters from Scoobie Doo... cute idea... oh wait... a pregnant Daphne? Wierd. Right. So, I feel obligated to do something "pregnant," but then everything feels over the top corny. Anyway, this caused me to be slightly down and moody.

On top of that, I don't move the same way I used to. Leaning forward doesn't feel so great, and touching my toes is a new obstacle. I can still touch them, but I just have to bend differently than I used to. So... this is where the funny comes in. Last night, I was trying to change my clothes before bed. Well, my foot got caught in my jeans because I didn't use my new methods of successfully reaching my feet. Then... I fell over! Boom on the floor. I immediately broke into tears, not because I hurt anything, but because of the frustration. THEN I started laughing! Come on. It was funny. I mean, I fell on the floor cause I couldn't successfully reach my foot to take of my pants. So I was seriously laughing and crying BOTH as hard as I could. It was intense. Such joy and sorrow all at the same time. Super upset/emotional cause my body was changing, but hilarious because I know that it's normal and it's probably quite funny to watch.

Poor Andrew. He could hardly get a word in I was crying/laughing so hard. He looked at the dog and said "Hmm.. Maddy, Mom's acting kinda crazy isn't she? We're gonna leave for a minute." Haha. So he took a five minute break and came back to find me settled down for the most part. Funny funny. Gonna remember that one for awhile. Hormones are definately a crazy thing!

A big baby boy!

So our ultrasound went well last friday. As most everyone knows, we found out we were having a little boy! Andrew and I didn't want to have too many wishes about the gender, but we both admit that we were hoping and expecting it to be a little boy. It's nice to know we've escaped the possibility of having a family of all girls. =) I think Andrew might have gone a little crazy if that had happened. Now he has a little boy to play racquetball and golf with!

The doctor also told us that everything looked healthy! That's definitely a good start. =) The only interesting part was that he told us the baby's measuring two weeks ahead of schedule! So either they miscalculated my due date, or I'm having a really big baby! They said that they'll look again and clarify at my next ultrasound in December. Let's just hope its the due date! I don't think any woman looks forward to having a big baby! That would not be a fun day. Maybe this is payback since when my mom had me I was 10 pounds.

Blessed...

Things are starting to really fall into place. I've been overwhelmed for the past 2 months with the question of to stay home after baby, or not to stay home. Well, finally, a few weeks ago, Andrew and I decided that we wanted me to stay home. At least most of the time. We know that it's unrealistic if I stay home 100% of the time with zero income. So since then, we've been throwing around ideas of different part time jobs I could do. Finally, two nights ago, I realized that I'm not going to really have an answer to that question until the baby comes. It's not like I'm going to find a job offer right now that wants to give me a job 9 months from now. So Andrew and I talked about it and we decided to just wait and to trust. We decided we'd just plan on me leaving my job in April and that come June, we'd see what job God had waiting for me in the wings.

Well, funny how when you finally decide to trust God, he can sometimes come through rather quickly. I don't want to say too much yet until it's official, but it looks like I might get the best of both worlds. Keeping my job, and having lots of time with baby. We feel very lucky. =)

The more we figure out the logistics of our little bundle of joy, the more I allow myself to feel true excitement. I still can't believe I'm going to have a little baby in my arms in just 6 months. Actually, I'm having a harder time believing that a year and half from now, I'll have a little one year old running around. Having a growing child feels a lot more unreal than having a tiny baby. =D Crazy!

Careful What You Wish For...

...here it comes... the revealing! Most people already know, so why not blog about it. I need a place to jot down my feelings. ;) Anyway...

I'm sitting here totally an absolutely blown away by my last post. That's why I had to write this entry RIGHT NOW! I'm so blown away! Two months ago. 11 Weeks ago. I said in my blog " I'm ready for God to surprise me some more..." (Check if you don't believe me) Omg, does He listen! That very day/week/general time frame, there were tiny little cells coming together and multiplying like crazy without me having a clue. A baby! I'm exactly 11 weeks along, exactly 11 weeks after I was writing a journal entry about how much God can do in a year that we couldn't possibly imagine. It's so true! Andrew and I had no idea that next April, we'd be inviting a new little life into this world, but we are! And we couldn't be more thrilled. Although it came as a surprise, it didn't take us more than 5 minutes to be hooked on the idea. And in just a matter of weeks, our whole life, our purpose, our general direction took on a new light. A baby! Can you believe it!? I still can't sometimes. =)

I've been super lucky so far. Hardly any sickness. Heartburn at most. Can't complain. The only "symptoms" I've really had are complete crazy tiredness and my pants getting a little snug. ;) That and my body just doesn't feel "normal." I spose it'll be awhile till I feel "normal" again. And then I'm guessing that normalcy will take on a whole new meaning.

Anyway, I'm sure that the blog posts will multiply from here on out. There are so many things I'm learning about myself, and so many concerns that need "talking" out. Definately a huge subject matter for this lovely blog of mine. So I'll definately keep you posted. All I can say right now is that it's super exciting and I can't believe how quickly I'm sure this is all going to happen. Although, as exciting as it is... it's scary too! I'm scared of the process, of what's going to be taking place in my body. I'm scared of knowing what to do as a first time Mom. I'm scared I won't be good enough, smart enough, loving enough. They say it all comes natural. I sure hope so! Cause being responsible for such a tiny life that's going to do great things... that's intimidating!...

...but so amazing! =D

Time Flys!

Fourth of July weekend. Two years ago, yesterday, Andrew proposed to me. Who knew we'd be here. Who knew...

1) We'd have a beautiful and perfect wedding day
2) Get a cat
3) I'd get a new job with awesome co-workers and stability
4) Have the breast reduction I'd dreamed about
5)Buy a house we thought it'd take years to get
6) Buy a dog
7) Be regularly attending an amazing church with my brother and his wife
8) Meet new friends that have become so close
9) Watch close friends get engaged and married

It's been a fast two years. Funny how you always think you'll know exactly where you'll be "one year from now," five years, etc. But really, you have... no... i... dea. Most of those things on the list, I couldn't have guessed would happen. And even just in the next year to come, I'm sure things will happen that I can't imagine. Yet somehow, we always feel like we know it all. Like we can see it all coming. As if what we have right here, right now, is all we're ever gonna have. I'm ready for God to surprise me some more...